I am beginning to believe that ALL of my previous money troubles and current spending revolve around an identity issue. I am seeing this all of the time. I base my self esteem and self worth off of other people. I constantly compare my insides with others outsides and possessions. I know that I shouldn't do this but I do it anyway.
I still don't know who I am or what I value most of the time with regards to spending money. I know that I am debt free now but that still doesn't help this identity situation that I have. I just don't feel good in my own skin all of the time. Maybe a lot of people compare themselves to me. On the outside I appear to have it "all" together. But inside I feel like a mess most days.
I want to make more money or have more things and then I think I will be happy. But I don't know if that will be the case. I thought that if I made above $50,000 I would be happy, I thought that if I purchased a car of my dreams I would be happy, I thought if I got married and had a picture perfect marriage I would be happy, etc. Instead all I feel is momentary satisfaction and then I am off to the next goal. It is as if I have this running check list for my life. Now, I want children so all I can think about is babies! When will this treadmill end? I think it will end when I get off the treadmill. How in the world do I get off the treadmill and still feel satisfied with life?
I feel like a lot of people are on the treadmill. Actually, I think I fear finding my true self and then it not being in line with what society (or what I think society) demands of me. Maybe it is all the marketing that is making me feel miserable.
Does anyone else out there feel this same way? I am really looking for responses here because I want to know how to "cure" this identity issue.
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